Clockwork

"I think he did and does love you, in his way, but you cannot concern yourself with that. It is a great thing to love as it is to be loved. Love is not something that can be wasted."

"It is hard. That is all. To be so alone."

You are not alone.

We're Gonna Be The Ones Left Standing

I believe in love. I believe in second chances. I believe in third chances. I believe in fourth chances. I believe that, after a while, it is time to give up. I believe in fate. I believe everything happens for a reason. I believe in singing at the top of your lungs when no one is around. I believe there are no coincidences. I believe things happen at a certain time in your life to remind you what is most important to you and what you are fighting for. I believe that it's alright to love someone who doesn't love you back, as long as they deserve it. I believe in screaming that you see a butterfly...at 16 years old. I believe in running away from the ocean shore as the cold water rushes closer and closer to your toes. I believe in giving people a chance. I believe that crying is the best way to let it all out. I believe that there is nothing more painful than heartbreak, no matter what weapon is used on you. I believe people come into your life when you especially need them, so there's no need to wonder where the hell they were when you thought you were at your lowest. I believe that the anger that is so strong you feel like you could strangle somebody is not worth your time. I believe in holding grudges...for a day. I believe in having music on your iPod that you know you'd be teased about but who the fuck cares? I believe in dancing to random songs when you're alone in your room because if you can't be yourself in your sanctuary, you can't be yourself anywhere. I believe in pretending to be somebody highly important because there's nothing as powerful as the wishes of one's mind. I believe in blowing on dandelions but knowing that, if you can't blow all of the flowers off with one breath, your wish won't come true. I believe in 11:11 and closing your eyes as tight as you can as you wish for the impossible. I believe that dreams, wishes, imagination, and the visions of your unconscious mind are the most powerful senses. I believe that every single dream you have once you lay your head on your pillow has a meaning. I believe your dreams tell you exactly what and who you want, and if you can achieve it. I believe in feeling your stomach drop, your face light up, and breaking into an unexplainable smile when you receive a text from a crush. I believe you and I can do anything we set our minds to. Because I believe in youth, comfort food, hope, hugs, innocent kisses, purity, books, tanning, feeling beautiful, rolling your eyes, bracelets and necklaces, 17 magazine, horoscopes, music, roses in clear vases, sunglasses, crushes, little sisters, laughing, and above all, turning your impractical daydreams into a beautiful reality. You are the future, you are beautiful, you are everything and anything that you want to be, you just have to believe that you can attain it. Keep your head up, keep your faith in yourself, and always, always keep fucking fighting even when, especially when, it's easier to lay down your armor and surrender.

I'm Staying Myself Tonight

I know a guy, he puts the color inside of my world. But he's just like a maze where all of the walls all continually change. And I've done all I can to stand on his steps with my heart in my hand. Now I'm starting to see maybe it's got nothing to do with me. Boys, you can break. You'll find out how much they can take. Boys will be strong and boys, soldier on. But boys would be gone without the warmth from a woman's good, good heart.

Every Teardrop Is A Waterfall

                The overwhelming aroma of burger grease and melting cheese wafts into my room, caresses my nose. I am hungry, near starved; and yet I remain sitting on the bed. My knees are curled to my chest and I grasp them as if holding on to a lifeline.

                The room is quiet except for the sounds of water splashing outside and my ragged breathing. I listen for a snippet of conversation, my name perhaps or maybe even his. Nothing. The laughter and sloshing water slapping the sides of the concrete pool repeatedly drown out any conversation.

                I unclasp my hands and slide off of the bed. A lone orchid in a pot sits on my dresser, demanding all attention. I stroke its petals, the beautiful and intricate design spreads across each petal; the designs so alike and yet entirely different on each petal. 

                I look into the mirror and back to the orchid. The blossom is far more beautiful and delicate, a true rival. In the mirror I see a medium-heighted girl with straight brown hair that just reaches below her shoulders. The hair emits about as much life as the girl. I notice light brown eyes and a lightly tan complexion.

               The orchid displays petals that fan out to heaven, pink and yellow and white. The leaves bear no sign of any kind of damage, no brown edges, scuff marks. A stem reaches to the star flower and tries to compete with its two buds. It is beautiful, far more so than me. I wonder if he would think the same.

The orchid had humiliated me, so quickly. I grab it by the bottom and yank it hard. I toss the beseeching flower into the trash. With the flowers buried in the trash, all I can see are dirty and ugly roots, dark dirt pooling around it like blood.

I had to rid of it. I look back down at the trash and notice a tiny pink petal peeking out from under the dirt. I kick the trash inside with my bare foot, concealing the culpable bloom and covering my toes in dirt. Yes, I think, as I brush off my foot, a commendable competitor.

I'd Rather Be A Comma Than A Full Stop

"Maybe I'm in the black, maybe I'm on my knees. Maybe I'm in the gap between the two trapezes. But my heart is beating and my pulses start cathedrals in my heart."

Do you know what you want? Nor do I. I'm stuck and I keep being pushed right back to square one as you stand on the sidelines, watching and laughing. If I'm stuck alone because this is who I am, I swear to a non-existent god...I'll be out for revenge.

Like I Never Heard It At All

"You had a lot of dreams that transform to visions. The fact that you saw the world affected all your decisions. But it wasn’t your fault, wasn’t in your intentions to be the one here talking to me, be the one listening."

"When you was just a young’un your looks was so precious, but now you're grown up. So fly its like a blessing, but I can’t have a man look at me for five seconds without me being insecure.You never credit yourself, so when you got older it seems like you came back ten times over. Now you’re sitting here in this damn corner, looking through all your thoughts and looking over your shoulder."
"See, you had a lot of crooks trying to steal your heart. Never really had luck, couldn’t never figure out how to love, how to love. See, you had a lot of moments that didn’t last forever. Now you in the corner trying to put it together, how to love, how to love. See, I just want you to know that you deserve the best. You’re beautiful, you’re beautiful. And I want you to know you’re far from the usual, far from the usual."

Like A Ticking Time Bomb

"I'm gonna a start a revolution of convoluted disillusion. I'll need a war with no conclusion and in the final hour, I'll be a confident coward. Cause if we stand for nothing, we'll fall for anything. I'm not a hero, I'm a liar. I'm not a savior, I'm a vampire. Sucking the life out of all the friends I've ever known. I'm just a trainwreck, not a winner. Up on our soap box preaching down to the sinners. Saints without a cause, we're not listening."

I Tie My Hands To A Chair So I Don't Fall That Way

“May the wind always be on your back and the sun upon your face and may the winds of destiny carry you aloft to dance with the stars.” -Johnny Depp

"I think I've still got a bit of a sado-masochistic streak in me, because if I'm not going to be restricted by corsets and covered in lace, then I still wind up wearing an ape-mask over my face. I do wonder how I get myself in these situations!" -Helena Bonham Carter

I've Fallen In Love

I am not afraid to say it. I am putting it out there that I want him and no longer you. I am completely over you in that way and I hope only for you. I'm coming out and saying it. Frank Brady, do you feel the same way?

“Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections.”