I Swear To God It Was The Best Night Of My Life

"I miss your soft lips, I miss your white sheets. I miss the scratch of your unshaved face on my cheek. And this is so hard cause I didn't see that you were the love of my life and it kills me.
I see your face in strangers on the street. I still say your name when I'm talking in my sleep. And in the limelight, I play it off fine. But I can't handle it when I turn off my night light.
They say that true love hurts, well, this could almost kill me. Young love murder, that is what this must be. I would give it all to not be sleeping alone.
The life is fading from me while you watch my heart bleed. Young love murder, that is what this must be. I would give it all to not be sleeping alone. We promised that this would last forever but now I see.
It was my past life, a beautiful time. Drunk off of nothing but each other until the sunrise.
They say that true love hurts, well, this could almost kill me."

They saw you today. And I knew that when they got home I would creep around, wondering...wondering. And I did. And they talked immediately about you. Did they know that that's what I cared about most? Probably. God dammit, I loved you. I love you. And I can't ever have you again. And it hurts so fucking bad! And that's why I can't like a guy for too long. That's why when someone shows interest I push them away, far away. That's why I still look at your picture. That's why I still dream and think of you. But you're fading away. I can barely remember us. But I can't forget you! You were my everything. Why the fuck do I still care? It's not that I get jealous if I see you with a girl, or that I cry for you, or even that I'm waiting for the day when you will ask me out again. I just can't love anyone else like I loved you. Because I still care for you. And I put myself out there. And I got hurt. Bad. And I don't easily love. So I'm so fucking sorry for what I did to you. I really am. And I'm so fucking sorry that it doesn't even matter. And I wish you were here, and I wish I could see you one more time. I feel like we're not done yet and that's why I haven't completely given up. But I'll have to and soon. I'm sorry, I need you. I can't have you. And you're my past, present, but I don't know about my future. You're my 11:11 wish, all the time. Just to see you, just to hold you. I miss you. You were so fucking important to me. You still are. And it's all my fault. And I will never be able to tell you just how much I regret all of those lies. And I'm sorry. And I hate myself for it.