Look Away

"More like a man flying from something that he dreads, than one who sought the thing he loved."

A flower was offered to me,
Such a flower as May never bore;
But I said "I've a pretty rose tree,"
And I passed the sweet flower o'er.

Then I went to my pretty rose tree,
To tend her by day and by night;
But my rose turned away with jealousy,
And her thorns were my only delight.

Never Pass You By

It's kind of funny: how many times had I driven past your street before I met you? How many times had I looked at that house on the corner as I gazed out the window and thought it was just another house? Now, I can't ever pass it without being so completely aware that its yours. I can't drive by without your face coming to mind, without thinking of everything we've been through. Now, I can't drive by without sneaking a glance and hoping you're standing outside, but praying you're not. Now, I can't help but feel another ache of pain and reality when I realize that you're practically at the tips of my fingers, but are slipping away.

Truth Be Told, I Miss You

Best way to not get your heart broken is to pretend you don't have one.

You only know what I want you to. I know everything you don't want me to. Your mouth is poison, your mouth is wine. You think your dreams are the same as mine. I don't love you, but I always will. I always will.

I wish you'd hold me when I turn my back. The less I give, the more I get back. Your hands can heal, your hands can bruise. I don't have a choice but I still choose you.

I don't love you, but I always will.

I always will.

So Young To Be Fighting So Many

Innocence and naivety: the victims of tragedy most vile. Innocent. Young child. Hardly even a woman at all. Trusting. Too Trusting. Defiled beyond words. You're broken. We're broken.
Throw your troubles on my back. I'm strong. I can hold it. I will carry you. All of you.

Me And My Stupid Pride

"Why do you have to insult everybody?" "I'm being honest, asshole. I would expect you to know the difference."

Chase after me.

Fine, fuck him. I could care less. That's the fantastic thing about a hard shell: you don't let a lot of people in. So when someone skirts around the edges, and then fucks you over, it doesn't even hurt at all. Well, maybe a little.

But I've hurt way worse. He hurt me more. Because I loved him more. Sorry. Love him more. 

After everything, I must confess, I need you.

And now I'm not hurting. I'm pissed. I am so angry. Why did you have to text me if you don't want me? Do you want me? I'm afraid you won't talk to me for a while again. You come out of nowhere and make me fall again, face first. And then you disappear. MIA.

You're the only one that I want. Think I'm addicted to your light.

Fuck. Don't you dare do that to me again. I need to talk to you. To tell you everything. I promise. I swear it. If you text me this weekend, I will tell you EVERYTHING. About how every time a new guy came around I compared him to you. About how a new one came around and I was hesitant because of you. About how I got fucked over and I didn't care very much because you were there. About how happy you make me.

You were the one thing I loved about myself. That I could attract someone as pure, gentle, kind, and innocent as you. That I entranced you.

You're my dream. You're in every one of my dreams.

I'm standing next to a faceless stranger in a white dress. He's wearing a black tux. And I am feeling bitter. He leans in to kiss me and in that moment, I hate him. Your face jumps to my mind and I'm so angry and overwhelmed I can barely breathe. I turn away and run. I run far. I end up in a field and I'm alone. A light blue phone lies on the grass. I pick it up and you're waiting on the other end. "Don't do it." You whisper.

I stand on a ledge. I can't fall because ropes secure me to the top of the building. Each rope is labeled: school, family, future, past, present, happiness, vacation. One by one the ropes are cut. Until only one is holding me in place. It's labeled "AV." Move. It can't be cut. I'm pulling on it. But it won't get off of my ankle. No, it's not just on my ankle. The rope separates and attaches to both my ankles, my wrists, my torso, my neck. It strangles me but it keeps me upright. I sigh. "Okay," I whisper to him, "I'm getting down."

It'll all get better in time.

If I let you go, would I still be in pain?
Or have I learned to love abuse?

Please Don't Leave Me Alone

This happens daily, this tingling, breathless, shivering attack that lifts my heart and squeezes too tight and pours ice down my spine. So I whine and curl around my memories of you and wish that I had your skin to cover up in instead of blankets. I want you to be here, although I don't know what for because when this happens I am terrible at conversation. The only thing I can whisper is your name because my jaw locks tight and it might be nice if you could hear and unhinge my heart. But I don't know if I want what I want. But I love you. And this happens daily like a timed secret. There is more to say but I get exhausted trying.

All That I Ask

Too Damaged To Be Whole Again

Furthermore, I apologize for any skipping tracks. It's just the boy that played me left a couple cracks.

Undying Dedication

I've waited a hundred years, but I'd wait a million more for you. Nothing prepared me for what the privilege of being yours would do. If I had only felt the warmth within your touch. If I had only felt how you smile when you blush or how you curl your lip when you concentrate enough. I would've known what I've been living for all along. Your love is my turning page, where only the sweetest words remain. Every kiss is a cursive line. Every touch is a redefining phrase. I surrender who I've been for who you are, nothing makes me stronger than your fragile heart. If I had only felt how it feels to be yours, I would've known what I've been living for. Though we're tethered to the story we must tell, when I saw you I knew we'd tell it well. With a whisper, we will tame the vicious seas. Like a feather, bringing kingdoms to their knees.

Forget It Already

Can't deny that I want you but I'll lie if I have to.

I like to be reminded of things I can't have, so come around again.

Give me a second, I need to get my story straight. My friends are in the bathroom getting higher than the Empire State. And I know I gave it to you months ago, I know you're trying to forget. But between the drinks and subtle things, the holes in my apologies: you know I'm trying hard to take it back. Now I know that I'm not all that you got. I guess that I just thought maybe we could find new ways to fall apart.

Have I Ever Given Up Without A Reason?

Looking out from underneath, fractured moonlight on the sea. Reflections still look the same to me as before I went under. And it's peaceful in the deep, cathedral where you cannot breathe. No need to pray, no need to speak. Now I am under. And it's breaking over me. A thousand miles onto the sea bed, found the place to rest my head.

Never let me go, never let me go. And the arms of the ocean are carrying me. And all this devotion was rushing out of me. And the crashes are heaven, for a sinner like me. The arms of the ocean deliver me.

Though the pressure's hard to take, it's the only way I can escape. It seems a heavy choice to make, now I am under. Never let me go, never let me go. And it's over, and I'm going under. But I'm not giving up! I'm just giving in. Oh, slipping underneath. Oh, so cold, but so sweet.

In the arms of the ocean, so sweet and so cold. And all this devotion I never knew at all, and the crashes are Heaven for a sinner released. And the arms of the ocean

deliver me. Never let me go, never let me go.

Take Me To Another World

Oh dear, I do tire of your games.

I'm not gonna worry about it. Yeah, it's no big deal.

And you. Only you.

I'll never stop.

So let me know, okay?

You Lift Me Up

We wade through the water together, in our element. The crab and the fish. The fish and the crab. When we wash up on the shore, we gasp for air. Not because we can't breathe, but because of the intense happiness that we feel. I laugh once. Just a short laugh. I had believed that we would never hold each other again. And here we are, as if nothing has changed. You stroke my hair away from my face. The damp strands cling to my face anyway. I close my eyes just for a moment. I can feel the drops on my lashes. They're heavy. A cool breeze blows the drops off of my face. Your breath is like a spring breeze, a typhoon, a hurricane. It calms me. It intrigues me. It destroys me. But what would I do if I was never able to feel your breath again?

It's Repulsion, I Think

I'm in the sinking boat with you once again. Except this time, it's smaller. There's not much that will go down with us. I'm hurriedly tossing bucketfuls of water back into the sea. But you're just sitting there, telling me to go faster. "Help me!" I cry. But when was the last time you helped me? When was the last time you listened? When was the last time you held my hand and told me everything would work out? I can't recall. And this is no different. You cackle wildly and turn into someone I don't know. Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Like the click of a switch. Click. Now your sobbing. Throwing your head over the side of the boat, trying to touch the raging waters. But you're not strong enough. "I'm so sorry!" You wail. "I have them but I've lost you!" I don't even deny it. "Yes, you have. But a long time ago. Think of this as just proving my point. This is why I'm gone." You switch again. Who are you? "Madeleine, Madeleine. I'm fine." You slur. Right. You look it. I toss the bucket back into the water. It's useless. You're sinking fast. "Don't talk to me." I spit. "Fine! You bitch! You're the worst sister ever!" No. I'm afraid you take that prize. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got a little girl to attend to. "I'll never speak to you again!" You screech. "Promise?" My tone is unforgiving. I prepare to dive in the water and swim to my larger, better equipped boat. Because I can handle swimming these waters. She can't. Because my boat no longer has the ability to float towards hers to pick her up when she's about to sink again. I dive in the water. Click. "No, don't leave me! Come back!" You wail again. "I'll come back." I say. But I'm not sure if I will. "You promise?" She yells hysterically. "Yeah, I promise." But life is full of empty promises. You've given me plenty. Here's one of my own: I'll always be there for you.