You Are A New Beginning

Hey, do you hear that sound? It's the sound of the lost gone found. It's the sound of a mute gone loud. It's the sound of a new start. Kiss, with a mouth of shooting stars, of lost and broken hearts. Unafraid, you can name your scars with a touch of a new heart. It sounds like now is the start. And it goes with where you go. Don't lose faith for the friends. You don't need a thing; you already know you are right as you are. And it sounds like now is the start. There is a new heart under there, beneath these new parts everywhere. It is a new start.

It All Comes Down To This Moment

See the stone set in your eyes? See the thorn twist in your side? I wait for you. Sleight of hand and twist of fate; on a bed of nails he makes me wait. And I wait without you. With or without you. Through the storm we reach the shore. You give it all but I want more. And I'm waiting for you. I can't live with or without you. And you give yourself away. My hands are tied; my body is bruised. He's got me with nothing to win and nothing left to lose. And you give yourself away, with or without you. I can't live with or without you.
"When you lose someone, it stays with you. Always reminding you of how easy it is to get hurt."

Conceit and Adoration

"We can all begin freely - a slight preference is natural enough; but there are very few of us who have heart enough to be really in love without encouragement. In nine cases out of ten, a woman had better show more affection than she feels. Bingley likes your sister undoubtedly; but he may never do more than like her, if she does not help him on."

"But she does help him on, as much as her nature will allow. If I can perceive her regard for him, he must be a simpleton indeed not to discover it too."

"...Elizabeth could not help observing as she turned over some music books that lay on the instrument how frequently Mr. Darcy's eyes were fixed on her."

Gravity Hurts, You Made It So Sweet

I don't know where I'm at. I'm standing at the back and I'm tired of waiting. Waiting here in line, hoping that I'll find what I've been chasing. Not ready to let go because then I'd never know what I could be missing. But I'm missing way too much. So when do I give up what I've been wishing for? I shot the sky; I'm stuck on the ground. So why do I try? I know I'm going to fall down. I thought I could fly, so why did I drown? Never know why it's coming down. I am going down. Can't find another way around and I don't want to hear the sound of losing what I never found. 

We Were Just Two Kids Who Took The Moment When It Was There

The pain is unbearable. A crushing weight pressed upon every inch of  

my body. I scream. It's silent. I sob. My eyes are dry. I kick and  

thrash. I am motionless. Oh, to be young and to feel love's keen sting.  

I could write a book on every aspect of your appearance. I could sing  

a ballad on every moment we've shared. I'd kiss the pages and hold the  

notes everyday. So many simple things surround me, the simplest of  

them all remind me of you. You. At the back and front of my mind. You.  

On the outskirts of my life. You. Always you. Never been anyone else.  

Countless times my heart has stopped beating. I should be dead from  

all of the times your glance has put me into shock. Adrenaline.  

Nervousness. You're everything and absolutely nothing. I guess to  

everyone else you're just a boy. To me, you are so much more. I could  

live a thousand years and never meet somebody who completely entices  

me as you do. And I want you in my life. I hate waiting. My patience  

ebbs away with each passing day. What am I waiting for? 

Heart Of Darkness

We live, as we dream--alone.

No one may know of it, but you never forget the thumb--eh? A blow on the very heart. You remember it, you dream of it, you wake up at night and think of it--years after--and go hot and cold all over.

For Reasons Unknown

Come on, all your good friends are here waiting this one out. You've got to come back down. Look around you, you're the only one dragging this out. You've got to come back down. All of your wallowing is unbecoming. You've got to take it on your own from here. It's getting pathetic and I'm almost done here. What you set off to kill has been gone sometime now. Head out any further and you might just forget how you've got to come back down.

What Do You Fear Most?

I pack my case, I check my face; I look a little bit older. I look a little bit colder. With one deep breath and one big step, I move a little bit closer. I caught my stride; I flew and flied. I know if destiny's kind, I've got the rest on my mind. Well, my heart, it doesn't beat the way it used to. And my eyes, they don't see you anymore. And my lips, they don't kiss the way they used to. And my eyes don't recognize you at all.

Serial Killer

"You're doing it again."

You stupid, ignorant, idiotic, little bitch. It's too obvious. I'm tired of clandestinely knowing your secrets. I'm tired of bearing all of the weight. Why do I hate you? I'm surprised you have to keep asking yourself this question!!! Ten years ago, I would've said that I don't hate you. That you're just mean to me. Five years ago I would've said that you frighten me. That your wrists terrify me. That your dark demeanor threatens my happiness. Three years ago I would've accepted my hatred. I would've said that you desert me. You make stupid decisions that don't only affect you, they affect me. Unfortunately, I can't look at your stupidity and brush it off. I was born caring for you. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Believe it or not, my infuriation with you means I care. Or at least that I did care. Three years ago I would've said that you don't care about me, so why should I care about you? Now, if you were to ask, my answer has been changed.

"Why do you hate me?"

Well. Here it goes. You are not only the most selfish person I have ever met, but you also don't see your egotism. How many children have you killed by now? Three? Four? I forget. But I'll tell you this. There is a reason that those unborn souls never get to see the light of day. And that reason is that you mothered them. You are the abomination. Not them. The reason that they died in your belly is because they are much better off not knowing you, than growing up with a mother that they must always be ashamed of. Forget about me. Forget about the pain you're constantly causing me. Forget even about our littlest sister. Think of the countless, tiny-hearted souls that you have sent to their grave. They are the only creatures in the world that could have maybe loved you unconditionally. But thank the absent God he didn't let you keep them. I think, if there was a God, he heard a ding somewhere in a control room. And he sent off a nameless soul to the origin of that ding, rejoicing a new mother! But then he saw that the careless conceiver was you. And he smashed his fist on the emergency button. "Not her!" He must've thought. "For fuck's sake, don't let an innocent child be born to her!" 

I am not against abortions. I believe that within the first few weeks and if you know you cannot provide a life for the child, then it is okay to let them go. But this. This is despicable. You don't even TRY to prevent it. You let yourself be impregnated! And then you let them all die. One by one. Dropping like flies. And if I know you, you were contemplating. You didn't know whether you wanted to keep it or let it go so you would have waited until the last minute. And I am sickened by that.

Do you get it now? Do you see why I hate you, despise you? Do you see how every time I look in your eyes and I see the stupidity, selfishness, and weakness there that I am filled with rage? I hate you. I hate you. I hate you.

And to you, little nameless ones, I'm sorry. I am so very sorry that you were sent as lessons to someone who cannot be taught. I am disgusted that you were forced into an untimely grave in a porcelain bowl. You don't deserve that. I hate her for killing you. All of you. I am not claiming to be superior, but I would never have let this happen to any human that was my responsibility. I would make sure they had the best care possible if I ever had one. But not at this age. I would never let myself have to make that decision. And she had. A few times. So I'm sorry, little babies. My nieces? Nephews? Now nameless souls waiting to be sent out to someone who will actually love you, treat you right. I know one day you will find a woman who will jump in ecstasy at the thought of her coming child. She will hold you to her bosom when you are born and the warmth and the love will be incontrovertible. And you will grow in a beautiful home with a loving father. Not a sad excuse for a boy who has seen the interior of a prison (your would-be mother is white trash). And you will never, ever know the discomfort of adoption, poverty, shame of your parents. You will be held above the stars. And my pathetic sister could never provide that for you.

"I woke up. I was stuck in a dream. You were there. You were tearing up everything. We all know how to fake it. We all know what we've done. You must be a killer. Child of the wild ones. Killer. Where've we got left to run?"

"And what a shot, what a blast. The night of the gun, big shot, took it out on everyone. And what a grand waste of time, when it's all said and done. It's only reason that just now escapes her. As for you, if you're waiting for your explanation, she likes dragging you around. She likes dragging you down. And then she did it again. You let her do it again. And so she did it again."

Relapse

You say that you'd be back now after your last more flight. And so I see you off well and look the other way with all my might. And I might be addicted to where and how you end up on your feet. I might be addicted to how you always get the best of me. I say out loud this is the last time. I wonder if you'll back down because there is no end in sight. Am I a fool to hang on? Universe, how strong am I as one more exit flies on by? I might be addicted to where and how you end up on your feet. I might be addicted to how you always get the best of me.

What Do I Stand For?

Some nights, I stay up cashing in my bad luck. Some nights I call it a draw. Some nights, I wish that my lips could build a castle. Some nights, I wish they'd just fall off.
But I still wake up, I still see your ghost. Oh Lord, I'm still not sure what I stand for. What do I stand for? Most nights, I don't know anymore...


This is it, boys, this is war - what are we waiting for? Why don't we break the rules already? I was never one to believe the hype; save that for the black and white. I try twice as hard and I'm half as liked, but here they come again to jack my style.
And that's alright; I found a martyr in my bed tonight. He stops my bones from wondering just who I am. Oh, who am I?
Some nights, I wish that this all would end because I could use some friends for a change. And some nights, I'm scared you'll forget me again. Some nights, I always win.
So this is it? I sold my soul for this? Washed my hands of that for this? I miss my mom and dad for this?
No. When I see stars, that's all they are. When I hear songs, they sound like this one.
Well, this is it guys, that is all. Five minutes in and I'm bored again. Ten years of this, I'm not sure if anybody understands. This one is not for the folks at home. Sorry to leave, mom, I had to go. Who the fuck wants to die alone all dried up in the desert sun?
My heart is breaking for my sister and the con that she'd call "love." When I look into my nephew's eyes, you wouldn't believe the most amazing things that can come from some terrible lies.
The other night, you wouldn't believe the dream I just had about you and I. I called you up, but we'd both agree it's for the best you didn't listen. It's for the best we get our distance.

Head Up

“Laugh, even when you feel too sick or too worn out or tired. 

Smile, even when you're trying not to cry and the tears are blurring your vision. 

Sing, even when people stare at you and tell you your voice is crappy. 

Trust, even when your heart begs you not to. 

Twirl, even when your mind makes no sense of what you see. 

Frolick, even when you are made fun of. Kiss, even when others are watching. Sleep, even when you're afraid of what the dreams might bring. 

Run, even when it feels like you can't run any more.

And, always, remember, even when the memories pinch your heart. Because the pain of all your experience is what makes you the person you are now. And without your experience---you are an empty page, a blank notebook, a missing lyric. What makes you brave is your willingness to live through your terrible life and hold your head up high the next day. So don't live life in fear. Because you are stronger now, after all the crap has happened, than you ever were back before it started.” 

“It's so curious: one can resist tears and 'behave' very well in the hardest hours of grief. But then someone makes you a friendly sign behind a window, or one notices that a flower that was in bud only yesterday has suddenly blossomed, or a letter slips from a drawer... and everything collapses. ” 

Look What You Do!

Am I crazy? Am I foolish? Just a little too into you, that's for sure. But your beauty that is in me makes me forget about your faults. You can do no wrong. They say everybody plays the fool sometimes and if I got to I don't mind. I'll be the best damn fool for you, no lie. And I'm losing every time.

It's confusing how you do it. It's like you stick my heart and glue it to your soul. And I'd do anything for you. There's something about you and I swear it drives me crazy. I'm stuck on you. And I might need help because I can think of nothing else.

I'm Stuck On Stupid

I heard your voice, you've got nothing left to say. If the lights in the sky come crashing down, I could still find your love even in a crowd. But would you remember me, remember my name?

Caught up in the middle. I cry, just a little, when I think of letting go. Gave up on the riddle. I cry, just a little, when I think of letting go.

But it hurts to think you're somewhere on a search for me. I'm right here with no words to speak, daydreaming about what could never be. It will never be. But, I wonder, do you think of me? Do you think of me? All I wanted was to keep this love alive. And all I wanted is to be there by your side. I know that I gotta keep on telling lies, should have swallowed my pride. But I think sometimes maybe it was best that we let it go. Do you think of me? Cause I'm thinking of you. Maybe it was best that we let it go.

"I don't know why you don't just repress your feelings."

"Because I fucking can't! Don't you think I've tried?"

"Apparently not because you keep defending him!"

Look what you do to me. 

The Human Forget-Me-Not

"It is said some lives are linked across time. They are connected by an ancient calling that echoes through the ages..."

We are those few souls. Those precious links to a past life, a lost era. Forgotten by men, women, children, even by you. But I, I have not forgotten. I have been blessed and cursed with the knowledge of you. And my mind cannot be wiped clean of your words, both current and passé. Or of your face, in every single version it has ever taken shape. Or of your inexplicable hold on me. I cannot forget you. Because I wasn't made to. I was made to know you. To love you unconditionally. To do every small action in thought of you. And that I will.

Destitute

Am I a stupid girl for even dreaming that I could?

"Unless someone like you...cares a whole awful lot...nothing is going to get better...it's not."

It's not an easy feat, you know. Walking through an empty street all alone at dark. My feet are bare, dirty. My clothes are torn. My confidence is shattered. And my hope is and always was nonexistent. 
"They say it's what you make, I say it's up to fate, It's woven in my soul, I need to let you go."