Into The Dark

Can you lie next to her and give her your heart, your heart as well as your body? And can you lie next to her and confess your love, your love as well as your folly? And can you kneel before the king and say, "I'm clean, I'm clean?" But tell me now, where was my fault in loving you with my whole heart? A white, blank page and a swelling rage; you did not think when you sent me to the brink. You desired my attention, but denied my affections. So tell me now, where was my fault in loving you with my whole heart? Lead me to the truth and I will follow you with my whole life.

Tomorrow Will Be Kinder

There he goes, there he goes again. Racing through my brain and I just can't contain this feeling that remains. There he blows, there he blows again. Pulsing through my vein and I just can't contain this feeling that remains. There he goes, there he goes again. He calls my name, pulls my train. No one else could heal my pain. There he goes again chasing down my lane. And I just can't contain this feeling that remains.

Maximum Occupancy

You're a huge bitch. And a whore. And you think you're so great. And, man, I hate you. I can't live with you for much longer! You're going to be 20 and you live at home. You have a part-time job at a bakery and went to school for about a year taking dumbshit math and cooking. That is humiliating. For you and for me. When people at school ask me where you go to school, I tell them I don't know. Because I'm embarrassed to tell them the truth. But what the fuck do I care? "She goes to community college. I know. She's an idiot. I mean really dumb. She's miscarried I don't know how many times because she's a whore. And she's a bitch. But whatever." But I'll be gone soon. And I won't have to talk to you anymore, Laura. Have a nice life. Trophy wife. Ha. You'll be lucky if you end up married at all. No good man would want you, if you can't tell from the people you've dated. Because, honey, you're not a trophy. You're trash. You're a punishment. And I'm done with it.

"You know you can't keep letting it get you down. And you can't keep dragging that dead weight around. If there ain't all that much to lug around, better run like hell when you hit the ground. Let it go, this too shall pass. You know you can't keep letting it get you down. This too shall pass when the morning comes!"

Rescue

My dress is torn, you have a black eye you got from a giving kind. But your coat is big and I am warm; I'll ask if I can walk you home. Grey like the gravel under our shoes, the sky doesn't clarify. Simple is something of a mystery, no longer making sense to me. Got a gun and an eagle's eye, but would like somewhere safe to hide. You've got a reason and so have I. I am the heat in an empty room, the cold coming through the walls. Your sofa's old, but I am new and there is better on the brew. My breath is soft, your hands are unlocked, unmanned and un-vertical. I feel strings without the black and blues, a weekend in a weekday's shoes. I'm gonna rescue you so you can rescue me, too. Make it a rendezvous. I got my best dress on and you've got a smile and a bruise, so come and rescue me and me you.

Drifting In And Out

Sometimes I find myself sitting back and reminiscing, especially when I have to watch other people kissing. And I remember when you started calling me your miss's, all the play fighting, all the flirtatious disses. I'd tell you sad stories about my childhood; I don't know why I trusted you but I knew that I could. We'd spend the whole weekend lying in our own dirt. I was just so happy in your boxers and your t-shirt. Drinking tea in bed, watching DVDs, when I discovered all your dirty, grotty magazines. You take me out shopping and all we'd buy are trainers, as if we ever needed anything to entertain us. The first time that you introduced me to your friends and you could tell I was nervous, so you held my hand. When I was feeling down, you made that face you do. There's no one in the world that could replace you. Dreams of when we had just started things, dreams of me and you. It seems that I can't shake those memories. I wonder if you have the same dreams, too. The littlest things that take me there, I know it sounds lame but it's so true. I know it's not right, but it seems unfair that the things remind me of you. Sometimes I wish we could just pretend, even if only for one weekend. So tell me, is this the end?

Take me away, directionless. It doesn't have to make any sense. Use what you have, I'll follow you. Use what you have, don't you worry now. Choose what to be. Take a side.What if I don't want to step out in the light? Give it to others; just let it go now. Give it to others; don't you worry now.

Damn Words Get In The Way

Up on melancholy hill there's a plastic tree. Are you here with me? Just looking out on the day of another dream. Well, you can't get what you want, but you can get me. So let's set up and see, love. Because you are my medicine when you are close to me. So call in the submarines, around the world we'll go. Does anybody know her? If we're looking out on the day of another dream. If you can't get what you want, then you come with me. Up on melancholy hill sits an image of me, just looking out for the day when you're close to me.

On Melancholy Hill

And ever so quickly, I lost everything. And the hardest part isn't that I wished and wished, or that I tried so damn hard and it wasn't good enough, or that I truly believed everything would work out for me because I thought I was worthy and it was my turn. The hardest part is that I have to be okay with it. I have to gather myself together (after an embarrassing display of emotions) and move on. I have to study my ass off for finals. I have to write at least ten more essays. I have to smile and shrug and say, "Oh, well. I guess I wasn't meant to go there." And act like I believe it. I've lost it all. 

Maybe I've forgotten the name and the address of everyone I've ever known. It's nothing I regret, save it for another day. It's the school exam and the kids have run away. I would like a place I could call my own and have a conversation on the telephone. Wake up every day, that would be a start. I would not complain of my wounded heart. I was upset, you see, almost all the time. You used to be a stranger and now you are mine. I was a short fuse, burning all the time. I wouldn't even trust you; I've not much to give. We're dealing in the limits and we don't know who with. You may think that I'm out of hand, that I'm naive; I understand. On this occasion, it's not true. Look at me, I'm not you. Just wait until tomorrow, I guess that's what they all say just before they fall apart.

To You Celestial Gods

Just 24 more hours until I know. Just 24 more hours until my worlds shifts into an entirely new path. Just 24 more hours until my acceptance letter.

I'm nervous. Good nervous. Excited nervous.

We'll see.

No. I'm in.

Wish me luck, oh cosmic wonders!

The Ceasing Pain

I know it's not over. Baby, I worked this out for sure. It's gonna be colder now that you've forced open the door. I know you better than I ever have before. I know you. I know you're a fighter, but you never fought for me when I was a shelter. So you're not heading home to me. We could be closer.

We'll take a long walk, down the alleys of these houses. And we'll talk, see what conversation rouses when we're alone. When we're alone, it could be home.

When it's just us, you show me what it feels like to be lonely. You show me what if feels like to be lost. I take your hand for you to let it go.

It's gonna be better.

Upcoming Implications

I know you're moving on and I'm trying my hardest to be okay with that, to be happy for you. Because I know I chose Yale but I wish I could choose you, too. It's so tragic. I look at you and I see a thousand expired faces. I look at a thousand faces and I find you in all of them. And it's painful to think about turning my back on you. But you've done it. Maybe I'm much easier to let go of. I know I chose Yale. And I'm sorry. And I'm sorry that you're not.

I'm trying. I'm trying. "She really is rude and mean." Excuse it.

My Charm

I find out on Friday 14th. And I'm so nervous. And I'm anxious. And I want this. I want Yale. And I'm sorry.

I want Yale more than I want you. Is that it? Do I have to choose? I wish I didn't. But my mind is preparing me to. I will still text you on Friday when I get in. I would've chosen you every single time. But you aren't choosing me. And that's okay. I want your happiness. Truly, I do.

I would love to have a beautiful rest of the year with you. I would love for you to love me again. I would love for us to be together again. But maybe that's just not realistic anymore.

I was told not to wish for the world. And I thought that I wasn't.

I'll Destroy You Myself

And so Annie waits for a call from a friend. It's the same; why's it always the same? Annie waits for the last time. The clock never stops, never waits. She's growing old. It's getting late. And so he forgot, maybe not. Maybe he's been seriously hurt. Would that be worse? Headlights crest the hill; shadows pass her by and out of sight. Annie sees her dreams: Friday bingo, pigeons in the park. Annie waits for the last time, just the same as the last time. Annie says, "You see this is why I'd rather be alone." And so Annie waits. Who will be the one for evermore? Annie, I could be if we're both still lonely when we're old. Annie waits, but not for me.

I'd kill him for you, girl. I'd kill him for all of you.

Crashing Over Me

Twenty seconds on the backlog, overtime. Just twenty seconds until we're swept by the tide. We're treading water in the dead of night, and we're speechless. Just speechless. We're staring skywards waiting for a sign. Up to our necks in it until the day brings us light. And our whole lives are flashing before our eyes and we're speechless. Because you've got me right where you want me, as a tsunami tide rolls over the landscape that we built a home in inside of our minds. So we fall and we break and we make the same mistakes like we always do. And we crawl, intertwined. Forced apart from the inside like we always knew. And I'm speechless. Twenty seconds on the backlog, overtime. Just twenty seconds until you're no longer mine.

I AM A YALIE

I BELIEVE IN MYSELF.

I will get this accomplishment.

I will get into Yale.

Because, quite frankly, it's my fucking turn. I deserve this. I have worked so hard. I need this. I got this. I am beautiful, confident, smart, and I am a Yalie.

If I am meant to be with him, I will take Yale as the ultimate sign. There. That's my price.

I've been stuck inside this cage for so long but, the thing is, it's me who has corned myself. It's me who pushed myself into such a small space and my claustrophobia has finally gotten the best of me. I'm breaking out.

I've been through my fair share of pain and confusion and hurt. But I've come out triumphant. I am so happy.  I will go to Yale and I will open up that email on Friday morning and I'll smile and I'll laugh and I'll cry and I'll run into my parents' bedroom and tell them. And dad will yell and mom will yell and everyone will be so happy. And I'll give proper thank you's to all of those people who helped me. Because I would never be who I am without them. And I'm so grateful.

I love Madeleine. I love me. I am thankful. Thank you. I am a Yalie.

You're My Favorite Scar

You're not him, though I try to see you differently. I tow the line, you see, I'm searching for what  used to be mine. And I saw your eyes, and I saw Anthony staring back at me. So I will try to find another one who suited me as well as him. I've moved far away from you and I want to see you here beside me, dear. He was mine. I was his and all that's in between. If he would cry, I would shelter him and keep him from the darkness that will be if I moved far away from you. Don't drop me in. It's not my turn. If you cut deep, then I might learn that you scarred and left me like a sunburn. But things aren't clear when we never even tried, we never even talked. We never even thought in the long run, whenever it was painful, whenever I was away, I'd miss you. And I miss you. 

Simplicity

Another day, another life, passes by just like mine. It's not complicated. Another mind, another soul, another body to grow old. It's not complicated. Do you ever wonder if stars shine out for you? Float down like autumn leaves and hush now. Close your eyes before the sleep. And you're miles away and yesterday you were here with me. Another tear, another cry, another place for us to die. It's not complicated. Another life that's gone to waste; another light lost from your face. It's complicated. Is it that it's over or do birds still sing for you? Oh, how I miss you. My symphony played the song that carried you out. And, oh, how I miss you and I wish you'd stay. Do you ever wonder if the stars shine out for you? Stay out and we'll live forever now.

To The One I Love

I found your hairband on my bedroom floor, the only evidence that you've been here before. And I don't get waves of missing you anymore. They're more like tsunami tides in my eyes, never getting dry. So I get high, smoke away the days. Never sleep with the light on. Weeks pass in the blink of an eye. And I'm still drunk at the end of the night. I don't drink like everybody else. I do it to forget things about myself; stumble and fall with the head spin I got. My mind's with you, but my heart's just not. So am I close to you anymore, if it's over and there's no chance that we'll work it out?

Everybody said we'd be together forever, but I know that I never wanna settle down. Come around, break up the love like lego now. Never want to turn into another like you. Sleep with my thoughts, dance with my views, everything's great but not everything's sure. But you live in your halls and I live in a tour bus. Now I'm in a position to be another stalker, like everything I say seems to always sound awkward. Like our last kiss, it was perfect, we were nervous on the surface. And I'm always saying everyday that it was worth it. Pain is only relevant if it still hurts. I forget like an elephant, or we can use a sedative and go back to the day we fell in love, just like on our first kiss.

Because if I was gonna go somewhere, I'd be there by now. And maybe I can let myself down. And I'm thinking that I'm unaware; I keep my feet on the ground and keep looking around to make sure I'm not the only one to feel low. Because, if you want, I'll take you in my arms and keep you sheltered from all that I've done wrong. And I'll know you'll say that I'm the only one. But I know god made another one of me to love you better than I ever will.

Because you and I ended over you and I. And I said that's fine, but you're the only one that knows I lied.

My Thoughts Exactly

This is the start of something beautiful. This is the start of something new. You are the one that makes me loose it all. You are the start of something new. And I'll throw it all away, watched you fall into my arms again. You are the earth I will stand upon. You are the words I will sing. I've thrown it all away. And take me back. Take me home. Watch me fall down to earth.

Admitting Fault

I can't blame it all on you, because I'd be wrong. All in all, you're such a beautiful guy. Don't take my chances, smile for the lenses. Live it up, you're growing up: parties in the wilderness of life. Light it up, just give it up where the kids are running free tonight.

The cars on the avenues can wait in line. I've lived out this innocent time. Gold roads leave Kansas; scarecrows love dances.

They're running free tonight.

Ambulance

You don't know a thing about this life, and we are up for everything it takes to prove we're not the same as them. And we will wear our masks again out after dark because we are up for everything it takes and we are not the same. Because we are not afraid and we are not ashamed. And if you save my life, I'll be the one who drives you home tonight. And if I ever let you down, I'll be the one who drives you home tonight.

Remember, once you walked this kind of life. Quietly, I'll sleep behind the wheel and passing every face you see the first time, singing every piece as you walk by, proving that, with all of my mistakes, we are not the same. And we are all to blame.

But they're trying to bring you down.

I'll Run Free

I have faith in my new reality. I will be going to Yale. I have been accepted. I have to wait until December 14th, and then I can celebrate. After that, I will take my finals and enjoy Christmas break. And after I've conquered the college admissions process, he'll be easy.

I swear to this.

Once I am accepted into Yale, I will text him. I will, if not outwardly tell him, then highly hint how I feel. And obviously I'll win there, too. Because it's my turn. I will champion myself. My own fears.

I love life.

I love myself.

I am a Yalie. I am Anthony's girl.