Look Away

"More like a man flying from something that he dreads, than one who sought the thing he loved."

A flower was offered to me,
Such a flower as May never bore;
But I said "I've a pretty rose tree,"
And I passed the sweet flower o'er.

Then I went to my pretty rose tree,
To tend her by day and by night;
But my rose turned away with jealousy,
And her thorns were my only delight.

Never Pass You By

It's kind of funny: how many times had I driven past your street before I met you? How many times had I looked at that house on the corner as I gazed out the window and thought it was just another house? Now, I can't ever pass it without being so completely aware that its yours. I can't drive by without your face coming to mind, without thinking of everything we've been through. Now, I can't drive by without sneaking a glance and hoping you're standing outside, but praying you're not. Now, I can't help but feel another ache of pain and reality when I realize that you're practically at the tips of my fingers, but are slipping away.

Truth Be Told, I Miss You

Best way to not get your heart broken is to pretend you don't have one.

You only know what I want you to. I know everything you don't want me to. Your mouth is poison, your mouth is wine. You think your dreams are the same as mine. I don't love you, but I always will. I always will.

I wish you'd hold me when I turn my back. The less I give, the more I get back. Your hands can heal, your hands can bruise. I don't have a choice but I still choose you.

I don't love you, but I always will.

I always will.

So Young To Be Fighting So Many

Innocence and naivety: the victims of tragedy most vile. Innocent. Young child. Hardly even a woman at all. Trusting. Too Trusting. Defiled beyond words. You're broken. We're broken.
Throw your troubles on my back. I'm strong. I can hold it. I will carry you. All of you.

Me And My Stupid Pride

"Why do you have to insult everybody?" "I'm being honest, asshole. I would expect you to know the difference."

Chase after me.

Fine, fuck him. I could care less. That's the fantastic thing about a hard shell: you don't let a lot of people in. So when someone skirts around the edges, and then fucks you over, it doesn't even hurt at all. Well, maybe a little.

But I've hurt way worse. He hurt me more. Because I loved him more. Sorry. Love him more. 

After everything, I must confess, I need you.

And now I'm not hurting. I'm pissed. I am so angry. Why did you have to text me if you don't want me? Do you want me? I'm afraid you won't talk to me for a while again. You come out of nowhere and make me fall again, face first. And then you disappear. MIA.

You're the only one that I want. Think I'm addicted to your light.

Fuck. Don't you dare do that to me again. I need to talk to you. To tell you everything. I promise. I swear it. If you text me this weekend, I will tell you EVERYTHING. About how every time a new guy came around I compared him to you. About how a new one came around and I was hesitant because of you. About how I got fucked over and I didn't care very much because you were there. About how happy you make me.

You were the one thing I loved about myself. That I could attract someone as pure, gentle, kind, and innocent as you. That I entranced you.

You're my dream. You're in every one of my dreams.

I'm standing next to a faceless stranger in a white dress. He's wearing a black tux. And I am feeling bitter. He leans in to kiss me and in that moment, I hate him. Your face jumps to my mind and I'm so angry and overwhelmed I can barely breathe. I turn away and run. I run far. I end up in a field and I'm alone. A light blue phone lies on the grass. I pick it up and you're waiting on the other end. "Don't do it." You whisper.

I stand on a ledge. I can't fall because ropes secure me to the top of the building. Each rope is labeled: school, family, future, past, present, happiness, vacation. One by one the ropes are cut. Until only one is holding me in place. It's labeled "AV." Move. It can't be cut. I'm pulling on it. But it won't get off of my ankle. No, it's not just on my ankle. The rope separates and attaches to both my ankles, my wrists, my torso, my neck. It strangles me but it keeps me upright. I sigh. "Okay," I whisper to him, "I'm getting down."

It'll all get better in time.

If I let you go, would I still be in pain?
Or have I learned to love abuse?

Please Don't Leave Me Alone

This happens daily, this tingling, breathless, shivering attack that lifts my heart and squeezes too tight and pours ice down my spine. So I whine and curl around my memories of you and wish that I had your skin to cover up in instead of blankets. I want you to be here, although I don't know what for because when this happens I am terrible at conversation. The only thing I can whisper is your name because my jaw locks tight and it might be nice if you could hear and unhinge my heart. But I don't know if I want what I want. But I love you. And this happens daily like a timed secret. There is more to say but I get exhausted trying.

All That I Ask