7:13

It's the simple things. I can still smell your cologne.

I still love you, you know.

Is Anybody Out There?

You don't want me, no. You don't need me like I want you, like I need you. And I want you in my life. You can't see me, no, like I see you. I can't have you, no, like you have me. And I need you in my life. You can't feel me, no, like I feel you. I can't steal you, no, like you stole me. And I need you in my life.

Say It's True

I know a boy, he puts the color inside of my world. But he's just like a maze where all of the walls all continually change. And I've done all I can to stand on his steps with my heart in my hands. Now I'm starting to see, maybe it's got nothing to do with me. Boys, you can break. You'll find out how much they can take. Boys will be strong. And boys, soldier on. But boys would be gone without the warmth from a woman's good, good heart. On behalf of every man looking out for every girl, you are the god and the weight of her world.

I Can't Believe In Regrets

Take all of your wasted honor, every little past frustration. Take all of your so-called problems, better put them in quotations. Say what you need to say. Walking like a one man army, fighting with the shadows in your head. Living out the same old moment, knowing you'd be better off instead. If you could only say what you need to say. Have no fear for giving in, have no fear for giving over. You'd better know that in the end, it's better to say too much then never say what you need to say again. Even if your hands are shaking and your faith is broken, even as the eyes are closing, do it with a heart wide open: Say what you need to say.

Chances Are Slim

Most nights I hardly sleep, don't take what you don't need from me. Misplaced trust.

Where can I find my sun in the dark side of my shadow?

It's not that you should care, I just wanted you to know.

I can hardly breathe.

"I know, just saying it out loud sounds crazy. I just knew that he would never stop loving me. That he would never..."

"Never what?"

"Never die. He snuck up on me. He got under my skin and I can't shake it."

"Once you fall in love with someone I don't think you can ever shake it."

Be Brave: Grow Up

Betrayal.

I don't feel so sad anymore. I don't feel despair. Not pain. I'm not even mad. I can't claim that I am numb either.

I am furious.

I am livid.

I am breaking.

I am falling.

I am being torn apart.

I thought I was strong enough but believe me, I'm not.

I thought I could shoulder the hurt and pain and fear and anger but I can't. I am 17 years old. I am young. I should be smiling. I should be happy. I shouldn't be living with tears streaming down my face. This is too much for me, for anyone. I'm still a little girl. I can control it around others but not alone.

And I'm so irate all of the time. I abhor that which I have been given, the life I'm being forced to live.

"How mutable are our feelings, and how strange is it that clinging love we have of life even in the excess of misery!"

I'll take care of you if you ask me to. The burden is astronomical. I fear the unknown. I fear this world. I fear all of the horrors it has. It was you who showed me at such a young age how despicable it is. You, who taught me thoughts of death, and hate, and self-detestation, have nothing more to offer. I fear death. I fear a slow, empty existence. I absolutely shake in terror of being alone.

"Hell is empty. All the devils are here."

So much resentment pent up in me. So many hellish emotions that there won't ever be enough room.

And yet I'm fated to pretend.

"Come on, skinny love, just last the year."

Wasting Away

She is alone, quite alone. She stands on the corner of a dark street, a single street lamp illuminating her face. She wears a floor length burgundy gown, a long black coat, buttoned against the wind, and her hair lies in curls down her back. She hears a noise behind her; she turns her head in anticipation, a smile pulling up the corners of her rosy lips. Just the wind. She turns back, her spirits lowered. She checks a delicate watch on her wrist: 12:34 A.M. He's late. He's very late. But still a smile, smaller this time, dances on her lips. 

Suddenly, thunder explodes in the sky above her. A flash of lightning brightens the sky for a moment before it begins to rain. She struggles to pull an umbrella out of a bag and does so just in time. But it's barely sprinkling. She's using the umbrella to protect herself from something else. The umbrella is of a hard material, not mere flimsy cloth. Objects fall from the sky, and she was expecting this. Crumpled up papers, computer monitors, cell phones, books, pens, pencils, jackets, nail polish, and movie tickets crash only upon her umbrella. When the storm is finished, she tosses away the dented umbrella. It begins to rain, hard now. But she doesn't pick up the umbrella. She closes her eyes, looks to the sky, and opens them again. All of the water flows from the sky back into her eyes. Where they belong. Where they started off. She has now filled herself back up with tears. The rain stops and a single tear cascades down her cheeks that she wipes away. "He's not coming." She whispers. She starts to walk down the street.

Little does she know, he's hiding in a bush nearby. He's watching her. He's been chained to the ground, his mouth gagged. He struggles to rustle the bush and let her see him. "Please, let her find me. Let her find me. Let her find me." He thinks frantically.

She walks past the rustling bush and glares at it, as if it's done her a great personal evil. It just might've. He murmurs from behind the gag. "I"M HERE! I CAME!" He practically screams but it comes off as an incomprehensible jumble of noises. She walks a little faster, glancing back at the bush in fear. When she is out of sight, the bonds fall off. "I came." He whispers. 713 feet ahead of him, she collapses. A vine snakes out of an ivy hedge and pulls her into the greenery. More vines and leaves twine themselves around her until she is well hidden. All is quiet within the hedge for a moment until he comes blundering past, calling her name. She doesn't answer. She is unconscious. She dreams of all that she wishes to happen. She thinks of his eyes, his strength, his words. She feels nothing in her sub-conscious. It is a relief, even if it be a tiny one.