About twice a week, I get chronically depressed. Not even being dramatic. It just comes out of nowhere and I can't explain it and it frustrates the fuck out of me. And I think of all of the things that have gone wrong or could possibly go wrong: him, college, school, my weight, my fucking happiness. And I wonder if those are the things that are upsetting me. And it seems like they aren't. So why am I still so goddamn pained? I don't know. It's hurtful to look around a room full of people you know and to feel like you don't know a single person and you just want to be left the fuck alone. So when someone speaks to you, you nod and smile. And you barely acknowledge what they're saying, and in reality you're practically screaming at them, "SHUTUP! JUST SHUTUP! I don't care, I never will! SHUTUP!!!" But apparently your rude acknowledgments encourage them like a lively response would. God damn.
That's all I'm saying.
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