Someone To Balance My Imperfections

I'm not waiting for you anymore. I'm not waiting for just anybody. I'm waiting for someone who can light up my world. A lot like you used to, as a matter of fact. I want someone who puts a smile on my face, someone I can be proud of. Someone who shines when I'm fading. Someone who beams when I'm tearing up. Someone to say the right words when I'm speechless. Someone to see the beauty in myself when I feel internally disgusted. Someone who can appreciate my faults when I'm down in the dirt. I need someone who can laugh at a crossroads when I'm wringing my hands in fear. You see, I won't settle for just anyone. I thought you fit my descriptions, but in reality, I just created a new list of qualities that you automatically fit. I wish you the best. I hope you are happy. I hope I can be, too.

Light Up The Darkness

"The people who are trying to make this world worse are not taking the day off. Why should I?"

-Bob Marley

I'll Be Waiting

“Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.”  
-Bob Marley

Contradictions

I am weakness, I am greatness. I'm anything you want me to be. I am wasted and I'll make this the anthem for a dying breed. See the light in the night when you're fading away? Trust in us, we're all that you've got these days. Take a look inside my heart. Let's get carried away. I am selfless, I am selfish.
I'm anything that I want to be. This is violent, this is honest. It's the anthem for a dying breed. Don't you dare, don't you ever give up on us, my dear.

Off The Edge

Cold as ice and more bitter than a December winter night. That's how I treated you. And I know that I sometimes tend to lose my temper and I cross the line. I know it gets hard sometimes, but I could never leave your side, no matter what I say. All along I tried to pretend it didn't matter if I was alone. But deep down I know if you were gone for even a day I wouldn't know which way to turn. Cause I'm lost without you. I get kind of dark, let it go too far. I can be obnoxious at times, but try and see my heart. Cause I need you need now, so don't let me down. You're the only thing in this world I would die without. Cause if I wanted to go I would have gone by now, but I really need you near me to keep my mind off the edge. If I wanted to leave I would have left by now, but you're the only one that knows me better than I know myself.

Need To Be Near You

If you were here beside me instead of in New York...If the curve of you was curved on me, I’d tell you that I loved you before I even knew you, cause I loved the simple thought of you. If our hearts are never broken and there’s no joy in the mending, there’s so much this hurt can teach us both. Though there’s distance and there’s silence, your words have never left me. They’re the prayer that I say every day. Come on, come out, come here, come here. The lone neon nights and the ache of the ocean and the fire that was starting to spark: I miss it all, from the love to the lightning. And the lack of it snaps me in two. Just give me a sign, there’s an end and not beginning to this quiet chaos driving me mad. The lone neon nights and the voice of the ocean and the fire that was starting to go out.

Just A Proposition

When life gets unfair, strangle it.

You can't change what's already happened, but you can make it better.

If you want something, go after it. It's meant to be chased.

Chances are they caught your eye for a reason, learn why.

You can't believe in a higher power if you haven't seen the light of day.

Stop waiting for change. Turn in a new direction: a sketchy alleyway, a lit up path, a leaf-strewn dirt road...you never know what will turn up midway.

What happens at the end is always worth it.

Don't live with regrets. Love always, not when it's too late. Don't decide he's the one after he's given you up for a lost cause.

When troubled, look within yourself. There's a hell of a lot of advice just waiting to be spilled out.

The Inner Workings Of My Mind

Can I get a break, please?

It's what keeps me sane.

Who are you? Do you even know? Doubtful.

What do I even want? Correction. Who do I want?

Where has my conscience gone?

When you need a friend, don't call on me.

Why do I feel like I need you but want him?

How can I still paste a smile on?

Ha, love rhymes with shove.

Have I lost you forever? Hardly. I don't even know you anymore. Seeing you again would be like meeting you for the first time.

Sigh, I like Frank Brady.

Like running in really small circles!

Have you ever noticed how absolutely gorgeous the rain makes the earth? Notice it.

Woops, we're back to you again. You're cute.

I miss you but do I really?

Blah, I could use some fries.

Truth be told I miss you, and truth be told I'm lying.

I'm over here. Now I'm over here. Now here.

Does it need to be pressed or...? Can you even do that?

I sure do like cupcakes.

What's it going to take to get you to send a little text message?

Should I? To be or not to be...the flirt.

Hey! Grades tomorrow! Oh, fuck.

Get. Off. Of. My. Chin!

Ow, that hurt!

There's gotta be more to life than this.

What a stupid girl.

Ew, a cat. Let's shoot it.

Back to you. I'm falling for you. That doesn't make any sense though!

I'm texting you because I have nothing better to do, not because there's something between us. Understand this. I want a friend and a boyfriend. You are not the latter.

That was a stupid move. Should've grabbed you when I had the chance. You're a good guy. But I only would've liked you to like someone. Bad timing. Us meeting was bad timing. I should've met you this year.

Smack. Smack. My lip hurts.

Fuck him! He's forgotten me. Why does that feel like a punch in the gut?

I got to get out of here! But that's no good. Then I could possibly never see him again...

I need a session. Session of what?!? Ah!

I don't know. I was distraught.

None of it matters. But it does.

Promise?

"You must know...surely, you must know it was all for you. You are too generous to trifle with me. It has taught me to hope as I'd scarcely allowed myself before. If your feelings are still what they were last April, tell me so at once. My affections and wishes have not changed, but one word from you will silence me forever. If, however, your feelings have changed, I will have to tell you: you have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love, I love, I love you. I never wish to be parted from you from this day on."

I Ask You To End My Agony

"So this is your opinion of me. Thank you for explaining so fully. Perhaps these offences might have been overlooked had not your pride been hurt by my honesty..."

"My pride?"

"...in admitting scruples about our relationship. Could you expect me to rejoice in the inferiority of your circumstances?"

"And those are the words of a gentleman. From the first moment I met you, your arrogance and conceit, your selfish disdain for the feelings of others made me realize that you were the last man in the world I could ever be prevailed upon to marry."

"Forgive me, madam, for taking up so much of your time."

First, I must tell you I've been the most unmitigated and comprehensive ass.

I'll Always Come Back

"It may seem like the hardest thing to do- but you have to forget the guy who forgot about you."

She agreed with all her heart but couldn't understand why at the very moment she said yes, his face came to her mind.

"It was real, wasn't it? You and me. Such a long time ago, we were just a couple of kids. But we really loved each other, didn't we?"

He had come back into her life like a sudden flame, blazing and streaming into her heart. She stayed up all night contemplating the certain agony she knew would be hers, if she were to lose him twice.

"Why didn't you write me? Why? It wasn't over for me. I waited for you for seven years. And now it's too late." "I wrote you. I wrote you every day for a year. It wasn't over. It still isn't over."

It's crazy. I don't even know who that person is.

"I couldn't sleep last night because I know that it's over between us. I'm not bitter anymore, because I know that what we had was real. And if in some distant place in the future we see each other in our new lives, I'll smile at you with joy and remember how we spent a summer beneath the trees, learning from each other and growing in love. The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds. And that's what you've given me. That's what I'd hoped to give to you forever."

I know you feel lost right now, but don't worry, nothing is ever lost, nor can be lost. The body sluggish, aged, cold, the embers left from earlier fires shall duly flame again.

"When I'm with him I feel like I'm one person and when I'm with you I feel like someone totally different." "Look, it's normal not to forget your first love. I love you, but I want you for myself."

We Never Had A Choice

My deepest secret smells sweet:

of candy and syrup much too strong.

It smells of railroad tracks and red dirt,

of door polish and cracked mirrors.

My secret smells like faded blue leather,

of disappoinment at a scarce meal.

I smell asphalt, rubber balls, and library books,

street lamps and a spring chill.

It smells like an unfamiliar jacket,

of plants in a dark courtyard, and coffee.

There's new pages of books, popcorn, and a water fountain.

French fries and fear, fair grounds, and damp grass.

There's spit and navy blue nail polish,

and old converse shoes and hands much too large.

I smell...betrayal.

Just a hint, veiled behind too many expectations.

I smell makeup and a scrap of paper unfolded and refolded over and over.

There's an old cellphone and so much denial.

It smells like a beach house at 2 A.M., of quiet giggles in the middle of the night.

In simplest terms, my secret smells of innocence, pain, and enduring hope. 

I'm Like Your Victim And All That You Need Is An Alibi

It kills me not to know this, but I've all but just forgotten what the color of his eyes were and his scars or how he got them. As the telling signs of age rain down, a single tear is dropping through the valleys of an aging face that this world has forgotten. There is no reconciliation that will put me in my place and there is no time like the present to drink these draining seconds. But seldom do these words ring true when I'm constantly failing you, like walls that we just can't break through until we disappear.
But the day pressed on like crushing weights, for no man does it ever wait. Like memories of dying days that deafen us like hurricanes. Bathed in flames we held the brand, uncurled the fingers in your hand, pressed into the flesh like sand. Now do you understand?
One thousand miles away, there's nothing left to say. But so much left that I don't know, we never had a choice. This world is too much noise, it takes me under. It takes me under once again.

So tell me now, if this ain't love then how do we get out? Because I don't know. That's when I said, "I don't hate you, boy. I just want to save you while there's still something left to save." That's when he told me, "I love you, girl. But I'm not the answer for the questions that you still have."
I don't hate you.

It's The Picture That Won't Fade Away

Destruction is all you are. An ocean crashing on a shore, pillaging a fragile built castle. And yet you are welcomed back like a hero. Funny.

Sentimentality

Breathe in, breathe out: tell me all of your doubts. Everybody bleeds this way, just the same.
Move on and break down, if everyone goes away I will stay.
We push and pull and I fall down sometimes. But I'm not letting go, you hold the other line.
If everything keeps moving on, hold tight. Make it through another night, everyday there comes a song with the dawn.

Baby, I Broke Them All For You

But these stories don't mean anything when you've got no one to tell them to. It's true, I was made for you. You see the smile that's on my mouth? It's hiding the words that don't come out. And all of my friends who think that I'm blessed, they don't know my head is a mess. No, they don't know who I really am and they don't know what I've been through like you do. And I was made for you.

It's Always Darkest Before The Dawn

Regrets collect like old friends, here to relive your darkest moments. I can see no way.

And I've been a fool and I've been blind. I can never leave the past behind, I can see no way. I'm always dragging that horse around.
And our love is pastured, such a mournful sound. Tonight I'm gonna bury that horse in the ground. So I like to keep my issues strong, but it's always darkest before the dawn.

Love Me And Oppress Me

You're always bound to fall, there's nothing you can do. The weight of gravity begins to pull you down again. So what are you to do now? Stuck between the hope and doubt, you get so close to clarity, makes you question everything .
We keep talking in circles, staring out with empty eyes. Wanting to be known again, so afraid of letting in. So do we leave it all to history? Will you ever answer me? Do you still recognize my voice? Or is it lost among the noise?
And while the world unravels, we're kicking at shadows. And everyone around us is making up chaos. I cannot find you, I'm walking like I'm blinded. Am i saying anything at all?
You're so far away, far away from me. Is it starting to break underneath my feet? Is it set in stone? Could someone tell me, please? Am I all alone? Am i just out of reach?     

More pain.  

Where Do I Begin?

It's gonna take a lot to drag me away from you.

I believe I've waited long enough. Is it over yet? Where are you?

And That Matters?

"If I jump, would I survive?"

"A clean dive, perhaps. What are you doing here?"

"I thought you might be missing me."

"You know that I am, but I can't trust you anymore."

"So what?"

Because We'll Be Together

I'll tell you a riddle. You're waiting for a train, a train that will take you far away. You know where you hope this train will take you, but you don't know for sure. But it doesn't matter. How can it not matter where that train will take you?

Death March

All that I am, all that I ever was is here in your eyes: they're all I can see. Those three words are said too much, but not enough.

"You still love him, huh?" "I can't imagine the day I won't."

"I just want you to be happy. I'm just sorry it couldn't be with me."

When You're So Choked Up The Words Won't Even Come Out

"Is this fun for you? You lucky devil. It just keeps getting better and better, doesn't it? I'm losing my mind. And they want me to beg my parents, who haven't called me, for help. And I won't. And I...I don't want to do this anymore. So the life that I was trying for is over. The life that I had is gone, and I'm feeling so damn sorry for myself that it's difficult to breathe."

I hate you all for not caring. I'm sorry for being a trainwreck. I'm sorry for feeling like I could die right this very moment and it wouldn't fucking matter. And it wouldn't. The world would keep on a'spinning.

I haven't felt like this in a while. And it feels refreshing. Like taking off a costume or a really uncomfortable pair of heels at the end of a long day. Like I can slip into sweats and be me. This is me. Disgusted, pathetic, over-analyzing, hopeless, and helpless.A destruction of a human being. A sad excuse. And no one can hear my cries for help. And they're not subtle either. So I'm starting to think that they can all hear me, they just don't care. And I guess I don't blame them. I'm just disappointed, is all.