Go Away. You're Not The One.

Mahalo for the ego boost.

That Makes Three. In Two Hours.

To The Purple Flowers And Flowing Tears

I am grateful for the black bees, even though they scare me. But I sit beneath them in bliss because they mean that the wisteria is here. It smells heavenly. I could sit in this rickety chair, beneath purple flowers hanging like grapes, their fallen petals covering the ground like a crunchy carpet, and the sound of buzzing filling my ears. I am grateful for life, in its simplest forms.

I am grateful for tears; they reveal our true emotions. I am grateful for phone calls bringing good news on Sunday afternoons. I am grateful for the small things that remind me of my youth and innocence. I am grateful for belonging.

I am happy. This is what gratification feels like.

I have found my place. I love my family. Thank you. And I'm sorry I don't believe in you. Or maybe I do. But somebody helped. And I appreciate it. More than you know.

The Chase

You're not easy to love. Why is everything with you so complicated? Why do you make it hard to love you? Oh, I hate it. Because if you really want to be alone, I will throw my hands up because, baby, I tried. But everything with you is so complicated. Sometimes I get you; sometimes I don't understand. Sometimes I love you; sometimes it's you I can't stand. Sometimes I wanna hug you; sometimes I wanna push you away. Most times I wanna kiss you, other times punch you in the face. Because every minute you start switching up and say things like you don't give a fuck. Then I say I'm through with you, take my heart from you. And you come running after me and, baby, I'm back with you. Sometimes I catch you; sometimes you get away. Sometimes I read you, other times I'm like where are you on the page? Sometimes I feel like we will be together forever, but you're so complicated. My heart knows better. I'll stick around just a little while longer, just to make sure that you're really sure you like sleeping alone. You're not easy to love.

Nearly Gone

You say you love me, but they feel like words to me. Well, this just ain't working. Stop thinking you can run over me. Drifting, settling off to a foreign place. If I can't see what's in front of me, it's a mystery. Well, then apparently things just ain't the same and I'm ready for change. Go on, be gone, so long. Can't you see that you're fading away? I opened up my eyes and I finally realized today, it's too late: you're fading away. Put a sock in it; just stop running your mouth. Got my mind made up; I ain't coming back again. No way, because I'm so fed up. You got me messed up. If we're hooking back up, don't press your luck today. Today, I'm blowing you away. Saw you turn into a ghost right in front of my eyes. Tell me, what's a girl to do when she's crying inside? I'm about to go insane; I'm jumping off this train. Whether wrong or right, I'll be gone by night.

Why Do You Feel The Need To Ask?

If I don't say this now, I will surely break. As I'm leaving the one I want to take, forget the urgency, but hurry up and wait. My heart has started to separate. There now, steady, love. So few come and don't go. Will you, won't be the one I'll always know? When I'm losing my control, the city spins around. You're the only one who knows and you slow it down. If ever there was a doubt, my love, he leans into me. "This most assuredly counts," he says, most assuredly. It's always have and never hold. You've begun to feel like home. What's mine is yours to leave or take. What's mine is yours to make your own. I'll look after you.

Burn

On the first page of our story the future seemed so bright, then this thing turned so evil. I don't know why I'm still surprised; even angels have wicked schemes, and you take that to new extremes. But you'll always be my hero, even though you've lost your mind. Now there's gravel in our voices, glass is shattered from the fight. In this tug of war you'll always win, even when I'm right. Because you feed me fables from your hand with violent words and empty threats, and it's sick that all these battles are what keep me satisfied. So maybe I'm a masochist. I try to run, but I don't wanna ever leave, until the walls are going up in smoke with all our memories.

It's morning, you wake, a sun ray hits your face: smeared makeup as we lay in the wake of destruction. Hush, baby. Speak softly; tell me you're awfully sorry that you pushed me into the coffee table last night, so I can push you off me. Try and touch me so I can scream at you not to touch me. Run out of the room and I'll follow you like a lost puppy. Baby, without you I am nothing. I'm so lost, hug me then tell me how ugly I am, but that you'll always love me. Then, after that, shove me in the aftermath of the destructive path that we're on. Two psycopaths but we know that no matter how many knives we put in each others' backs, that we'll have each others' backs because we're that lucky. Together we move mountains; let's not make mountains out of molehills. You hit me twice, but who's counting? I may have hit you three times; I'm starting to lose count. But together we'll live forever; we found the youth fountain. Our love is crazy; we're nuts, but I refuse counselling. This house is too huge; if you move out I'll burn all two thousand square feet of it to the ground; ain't shit you can do about it. Because with you I'm in my fucking mind, without you I'm out it.