Mirror, Mirror, On The Wall

It's another new year and this year will strike a change in me, for better or for worse. On the first day of the year I was already given an answer, an answer I dreaded to hear. But I got it and I swallowed it and I accepted it. And it hurt but that's life. And I expected it. And try as I may, I do not hate you. I do not hate you.

I have goals for this year and resolutions and things I hope to cross off of my bucket list. I am told that I cannot live in the dark anymore, but I love the dark.

1. I was told by a piece of paper that I need to wear onyx. Well:

         "Detachment: The ancient Egyptians believed that it could cool the ardors of love and actually bring lovers to the point of separation! Use onyx to keep away or end unhealthy or bothersome emotional entanglements.

           Letting Go: Extremely helpful to people who are having trouble letting go or releasing the past or attachments and moving on after a relationship has ended, sometimes years past the event."

2. When I'm gone, I want to go to the Harry Potter world in Florida. I will.

3. Attain my dream body. Work out and relieve stress and anger.

4. Talk to Jeneatte. Ask all of the questions that eat away at me. And once I have the answers, even if they aren't the ones I want, I have to let them go. And never ask those questions again.

5. Write down everything I hate about myself and light it on fire. Stop judging myself and maybe I'll go easy on others.

6. Remove the note from under my bed. It's time to let go.

7. Take a walk. Buy a coffee. Relax.

8. Meditate, or try to, at least once a week.

I would add something that has to do with my sister, but I'm not at that point yet. I haven't talked to her in about five days and I don't feel like I need to yet. I am resentful. But as of now, there's nothing I can do. I can't say I forgive her if I don't. I just want my answers. I need them soon.